Just Sharing ...

I just got done reading a blog from a old friend. I don't want to say I had no idea for his other feelings for the same sex, but at the same time, I wanted to avoid it. One reason, when I was younger I was so hung up on him. I would go to all my church dances to see him, and go to his house so I could be around him (and his family because they were my lifeline at the time), so OF COURSE I would never think that of him, EVER. Anyways, back in 2004 some people told me of his coming out and I kept thinking how much he must be hurting and needing someone. I didn't know how to get ahold of him, and eventually let it drift away, but I was always think about him and how I wasn't the friend I should've been. After reading his blog just now, I can really understand what he went through, and through the love of our Savior he was forgiven. He inspires me.

I'm currently struggling with obstacles of my own. We left Utah to move to Washington to, of course, be with my family so they can get to know Noah but also because of financial difficulities. Not having my own space, my own house anymore kills me inside. I feel like a failure and worthless. Also, for the past 18 months I have been very inactive from church. I don't want to blame it on my son, but in the beginning it was because being new parents and trying to juggle it all was a lot of pressure. Then post pardum depression hit me and I sometimes didn't want to move. Then, it was just easy to blow off church and do something else. I feel like a hypocrite and I get comments from people all the time about how much of a strong influence I was to their lives when I was younger and what a great testimony I had. I don't think I've born my testimony for over 3 years now. Also, I am not skinny. I know that is stupid, but it's not stupid to me. I have a wierd perception of myself and it all stems from my eating disorder that I had for so many years of my life. I wish I could explain, but you wouldn't understand unless you have been there and gone through it.

Why am I writing all this? I don't know. I guess I'm tired of hiding it. I hide so much of my feelings that it eventually boils over and I have anxiety attacks. I guess I'm asking some people to help me with my inactivity, and be there and be a support. I guess I'm saying things aren't always what they seem.

However, I know that my Savior loves me, and eventually I'll learn to love myself.

Melissa

Two Posts in One Day ... what??

OK, so I know it's stupid but I wanted to give one post to Thanksgiving and the other one to Twilight ... so that it didn't seemed rushed or that I was making one things more important then the other (Twilight isn't more important then my family). This year was hard for me. Aaron is down in Utah for the next 24 days and didn't spend Thanksgiving with me. This is the first time we've been apart like this since we were dating. I honestly thought I could handle it because, unlike Aaron, I can be OK with being by myself ... but NOT FOR A MONTH AND 3 WEEKS. I miss him everyday and it's hard with Noah. I give props to those single mothers, or mom/dads that are raising families while their spouses are away (Iraq, business, pilot, etc). It's so hard to do it by yourself. I have my family, yes, but it's different. I can't help but feel guilty asking for their help. Anyways, Thanksgiving this year was different. I felt like it was just anther day, but my mom cooked all day. I decided to go running in the morning with Noah and went to PHS track. OK, so when did they decide to lock the gates to the track? I think that is RIDICULOUS and I am so mad about it. Since taxpayers paid to have that track rebuilt it should be available to the public ... DUMB! So, I went in Gig Harbor to run and low and behold there is some 5K going on (Turkey trot?) and I am driving almost running over people. MY BAD! Anyways, that was pretty much the highlight of my day, LOL. It was only my mom, dad, sister and Noah and I for dinner too, so it was quiet and weird most of the time. My mom then went to the ER because my dad thought she was having a heart attack, nice huh? She just has pneumonia and polarise (a condition in which your lungs get way infected and enlarged). She's OK, but doesn't feel well.

So, I hope everyone had a great holiday. I am excited for Christmas. I wish was in my own house but life throws you curve balls I guess.

Melissa

P.S. Below are some pics of Noah and above is a pic of me with my new hair (it turned out more gold then blond). Enjoy

FINALLY ...

..... I saw Twilight. Guess what? I LOVED it. I was skeptial because I've heard good things and then bad things. Granted there were bad things and during the movie I did laugh because the special effects were soooo funny. I was thinking though, how come this character, Edward, makes everyone so crazy? I mean, I am not going to lie, I get caught up in the moment too, but he's a ficitious charater that a woman came up with, right? So of course he's perfect! :) I am just disappointed that this movie was only 2 hours long. I would've stayed for 3 hours, and they could've developed the relationship more, and certain parts made it longer but oh well. It's just the next movie will get a higher budget and it will be so much better, but it's all about Jacob (which I have to admit, the charater for Jacob is pretty darn cute) and I just wasn't into that as much as the Edward and Bella plot. Anyways, I know pretty much everyone has seen it so what was your favortie part? Of course one of mine was when they kissed. Oh Twilight ... I'm going to go read the book again. :):):)

Melissa

Husband Tag

1. Where did you first meet your husband? We met on the internet (LDS Mingle). I was going to BYU Idaho at the time and he lived in Sandy. I was absolutly not looking to date anyone (I actually sworn off dating the day before) and he wanted to meet me. Why not? He had to come to me though, and he did and it went on from there.

2. How long did you date before you got married? We dated 7 months and then were engaged for 6 months.

3. How long have you been married? We've been married for 4 1/2 years

4. What does he do to surprise you? LOL ... just little things. He knows I am obsessed with US magazine and he'll go out of his way to buy one for me (but he doesn't realize I usually already have the issue). It's sweet.

5. What is your favorite feature of his? His eyes.

6. What is your favorite quality? He's a really great dad. He's also very caring to me. He definitly has a sensitive side (shush don't tell)

7. Does he have a nickname for you? Pretty

8. What is his favorite food? ice cream, but it usually doesn't agree with him (he's lactose intolarant, but he doesn't care)

9. What is his favorite sport? football or running

10. When and where did you first kiss? We kissed in the park in Rexburg Idaho

11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? lol just watch movies. We don't do a whole ton cuz Noah keeps us pretty busy.

12. Do you have any children? Yes, our almost 18 month old, Noah

13. How old is he? 27

14. What is his favorite music? Alternative stuff

15. What is his favorite color? it used to be yellow ... but he doesn't really tell me his favorite anymore

16. Will he read this? nope. :)

I tag whomever

Some new updates.

So, it's been a busy 2 weeks. We moved from Utah to Washington on October 25th. It was a gruling 14-15 hour car ride, but I actually made good time. Thank heavens for our in dash dvd player for Noah. I'm not sure if it wouldn't have been as smooth without it. However, my back and butt and neck and shoulders and everything was in major pain. I left my husband in the dust with the moving van because he was going way too slow. I mean, like, 55 miles per hour slow. If I would've stayed with him it would've taken us 5 plus more hours to get to Washington. He only arrived 1 1/2 after me though, so he made good time. We spent a fabulous week together and then he left on Sunday Nov 2nd to go back to Utah to work until Dec 20th. I miss him a lot. It's been very hard on me without him. Truthfully, I thought I would be able to handle it. We did this exact same thing when we were dating for 3 months, so I thought it wasn't that bad. Well, now we are married and have a son so it's different. I think Noah is having a major hard time as well, but he can't tell me that's why he's sad, I just assume.

I'm sorry but no Halloween pictures. We just didn't do anything about it this year. One, I couldn't find a costume that Noah would like. He doesn't like hats or anything on his head and most costume for babies have a hood with some sort of creature on it. Two, he doesn't even know what Halloween means, so it can save us on money and time to take him out (and save me weight gain from the candy) and Three, Aaron and I spent some quality time together that night. I am thinking Noah may like Halloween next year, but if he doesn't then that is ok too. Halloween was never a favorite holiday of mine so I'm not looking forward to the days of trick or treating.

I am working at the very first job I'd ever got, Merrill Gardens. Now, I have an interview with a company my sister works with AllianceOne. I will always love Merrill Gardens because it was a very fun job when I worked there a long time ago, but now I'm older and it's hard on my back and feet to do that all day. I also feel like I don't have as much to do as I used to, and I don't feel it's as orgainized as it once was. Also, dress code has changed and I'm supposed to get black shoes and we wear long sleeves ... in a hot kitchen! I hate it. I also don't get paid nearly enough and I was promised full time when I got there and now they can't give it to me until January. I have really wanted to work an 8-5 job and this is 11-7. So, hopefully I will get this other job, then I don't have to get my food handlers permit.

I've been running every morning and eating better. I really have been avoiding temptation and I'm proud of myself (anthor bad reason to work at Merrill Gardens, food is everywhere!). I don't know if I've lost weight. I really want to be down 20lbs before Aaron gets back, but I don't know if it's happening. How do people on the biggest loser do it so fast! :(

Anyways, those are the updates. I'll post pictures soon. I packed my camera charger and I can't find it at the moment. When i do, I can take pics and post them.

Melissa